Get messy, you might just have more fun!

As a recovered perfectionist I can state in full-confidence that embracing mess can be a great thing for your peace, happiness, health and career success. I’m not just speaking about embracing parenthood, with the mess on the floor, the sauce on the sofa, the freshly ironed clothes tumbled into a playful eruption, and a car full of crumbs, but the absolute surrender of how we want things to be in our personal and professional lives, when that want is completely unrealistic, or the strive for the want stands in the way of what matters so much more.

Prior to parenting, I was highly organised, fully able to multi-task, enjoy a presentation of casual elegance; nails polished, hairy shining, clothes pressed, make-up carefully applied, while gracing an air of calm that many commented on, even when behind that honorary performance there sometimes lived a very different story. My diary was organised, a reply to all messages was given before end of day, I held good presence, demonstrated professionalism, managed my home and social calendar with ease, and everything felt in control. The price of upholding perfect was the suppression of truth; no one knew the level of anxiety and depression I battled through many of those earlier years, the emotional turmoil in my soul, the strength with which the voice of critical judgement echoed in my mind, suffocating my happiness, and restraining my truth, barricading me from building beautiful authentic heart-to-heart connections with people I could just be me with, because the curse of perfection is that, in the strive for it, we lose ourselves.

Perfectionism is what I term a strive for the absolute impossible in a sky that has no limits; it is when we want to be, have, do, feel, live, or attain certain things in the name of perfection, which is essentially a deep inner yearning for self-love; a love that is absent and fuelling a quest to be the perfect man or woman, wife or husband, daughter or son, to be perfect in how we look, able to maintain a level of emotional presentation deemed acceptable(I say presentation and not presence, because you cannot be present in suppression),in honour of perfect, being up to date on the demands of fashion, and being the best at whatever it is you strive to be the best at, while sporting the ‘right car’, and owning a beautiful home by a certain age, because if you fall short of perfect, then a silent voice tells you that you are ‘not good enough’, or ‘not acceptable’, or ‘not worthy of love’.

When we are walking the path to perfect, albeit in very well-heeled shoes, we are walking down a path of assured failure, because it will never lead to peace, freedom, happiness, health and genuine success, because you cannot be any of these things, not where it truly matters, when focused on a constant strive for the impossible.

Deep down you know this path to perfect is not the road you truly want to walk, but perhaps you are not sure where the other journey begins, or how to make the change?

On reflection, I believe the first step out of perfection and onto the path to love, is to get messy!

What I am inviting you to try is going out without make-up, dressing down, sharing an authentic feeling or emotion with someone you are willing to bravely trust, take a calculated business risk that might just bring about a failure and also much wanted success, stand up for you truth even if someone else doesn’t like your truth; your truth is yours to own and doing so is an act of love, turn up to a night out with friends in your most casual attire, as strength building act; others are unlikely to notice because your most casual is most probably their most smart, and honestly this has nothing to do with other people’s summary of you and everything to do with yours. Go out with your nail varnish chipped, your eye brows un-plucked, lipstick on your collar, mud on your shoes, and a new twinkle in your eye, because you just set yourself free from all the BS that held you in chains.

I love my newfound freedom and I can say becoming a mother provided a big leap away from perfection, because it forced it; it was a perfect home and mummy or a peaceful home and mummy, and while mummy may not have attained the peace she wants just yet, because for single mother with a 2 and 3 year old that would be living far beyond perfect and on the edge of delusion, I am however much calmer that I would be, if I were ‘perfect’.

A curious thing happened once I started to get messy, which meant embracing the mess on the floor, the table, the wall, the door, in the car, on me, on them, and pretty much everywhere we go, I automatically let go of perfect when I noticed my chipped nails and the chocolate on my white jacket on the way to a business meeting, because really, if anyone is going to judge a mother who falls short of perfect, in the name of peace, love, happiness and real life success, well, I don’t think that judgement bears a flicker of a moment of my time.

Then I noticed a new fluidity in my writing; with the constraints of trying to portray the coaching psychologist I was trying to be, I wrote about what I thought would be received well. But honestly, sometimes, it was just a bit stiff, or to put it more lovingly, it was a little constrained because it lacked my emotional freedom. The more I let go of ‘perfect’ and in the name of love, decide on the programming that enters and exist my mind, developed on a new and growing love code, the more fluid I become, my life becomes and my writing flows, because in freedom, we do not have to be constantly thinking about who we are, what we are writing, painting, singing, saying, or how we are looking, doing, being, about what we have or lack or need or want, because we are free from all of that mental anguish; judgment, criticism, trying to be something we are not, trying to please others despite ourselves, trying to be what our culture or society tells us we should be, has no merit, when the flame of love begins to shine and grow her light.

What was happening through the mess, was the emergence of stronger presence, feeling my way, instead of thinking my path, living intuitively, connected, noticing a return to synchronicity, to positive perspectives, to joy, happiness and bravery, because when you love yourself, and honour your peace, freedom, happiness and strive for success where this truly matters to you, you feel alive, and this is because you are fully living your live, your way.

Get messy, you might just have more fun!