Messy Love
From my journal ‘Love lovingly’ – reflections on a mothers journey.
April 16th 2025
I haven’t written in this journal for a while
I like to write when inspired, when relevant, and when I feel called to the page
I’ve been dancing in a whirlwind of daily doing’s
I have been writing though.
I’m polishing a book for the umpteenth time, polishing until it shines
It’s a memoir, and it is a story of seeking
Seeking my truth, meaning and purpose
Discovering my power and the beauty of love
And learning to embrace the challenge of truly honouring the path
Today I claim the wisdom,
I strive to walk in the light, but sometimes I just wade through the mud
I was gardening with my children today
I watched myself and I watched them play
They played all day, they lived their joy
I was in the mud, frustrated.
How do I love lovingly when I’m standing in the mud, frustrated?
I called to the light
I invited illumination
And this is the message I received
Love isn’t something we just know—it’s something we practice
Sometimes love is awkward
Sometimes flowing
Sometimes love is messy playing in the mud
But always love is sacred.
Today love is
Tired love
Overwhelmed love
“Please just give me a moment to think” love,
Children, with their constant needs and noise and interruptions pull you into the present in the most intense way. They want to be present with you because the present is the space where love lives
Not in mind
Not in wisdom
It’s right here, right now, playing in the mud.
It’s the place were
Love gets messy
Patience thins
Emotions soar
And sometimes your self disappears
And yet… you keep showing up.
Even when it’s imperfect.
Even when you’re touched out, talked over, and two breaths away from crying in the bathroom.
That is love.
The gritty, sacrificial, messy, human kind of love
You’re not failing at love in those moments of frustration and overwhelm. You’re learning its hardest lesson.
Love persists even when it doesn’t feel poetic.
Love chooses presence, even when the presence is uncomfortable
Love stays, when all you want is your space and silence
Perhaps it is not that you are not loving in a loving way.
Perhaps you are embracing one of the highest forms of love.
The fact that you’re aware of the tension between the love you strive to give and the love you give is a testament to you dedication to the path
You are not failing at love
You are learning to become more present
So that you can know love’s true light.
Copyright © Antonia Behan 2025
